You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
