remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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