I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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