Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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