Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize