ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
