see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
