The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
