It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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