i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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