I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish you could order shots online.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
