i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
