I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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