Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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