Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I die, sorry about rent.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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