I puked a lego.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Couch. On fire.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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