I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wish there were birth control emojis
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize