I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
