Having a random hookup so left but love u
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
