You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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