Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
