Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

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  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2301) Bad night (579)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.

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  (919): please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car. http://tfl.nu/gqa0
  Replies (8) Good night (556) Bad night (1903)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

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  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5954) Bad night (1846)
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  (626): View more from California

  HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

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  (626): HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN? http://tfl.nu/rsqz
  Replies (51) Good night (6040) Bad night (2206)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

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  (516): i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. http://tfl.nu/ryqf
  Replies (8) Good night (3348) Bad night (1013)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

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  (217): You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information. http://tfl.nu/61w8
  Replies (6) Good night (4623) Bad night (828)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5201) Bad night (2016)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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  (206): Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional. http://tfl.nu/t1vf
  Replies (10) Good night (2644) Bad night (552)
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  (949): View more from California

  I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?

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  (949): I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/3tox
  Replies (6) Good night (1908) Bad night (730)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house

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  (412): Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house http://tfl.nu/5tya
  Replies (7) Good night (1103) Bad night (568)
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  (627): View more from California

  The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.

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  (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever. http://tfl.nu/zns8
  Replies (6) Good night (1999) Bad night (444)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.

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  (814): his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun. http://tfl.nu/so1p
  Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (795)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.

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  (515): I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/zet2
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (267)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure

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  (787): I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure http://tfl.nu/bq2q
  Replies (2) Good night (308) Bad night (553)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.

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  (585): I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great. http://tfl.nu/1mus
  Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (221)

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