So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.