You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.