I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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