3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
