How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen