Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!