I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.