direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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