His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
