i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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