Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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