apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
