Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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