Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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