It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize