Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
