Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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