apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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