You smell like a Billy Joel song
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
