I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize