I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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