Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
