Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
now i know why i became what i already was.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
