Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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