Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
