I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
