Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
