oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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