you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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