she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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