This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
