I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
