You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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