How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
