Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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