i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
