Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're a waste of cheezeits
The uberlube is also flammable
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
