everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
