i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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