And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
