Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize