I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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