marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm so fucking centered right now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
