you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
do nipples grow back?
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