I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
not ubering you a puppy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
