I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
