what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
